Alessia Cara, Where The Fuck Were You When I Was in High School?

Life before anti-social acceptance was full of DMX, self-loathing, and not having a word for FOMO

“Here” by Alessia Cara, the song that inspired this rant

Really though Alessia, where were you?

Pictured: Alessia Cara, 20 years too late

In high school I thought I was supposed to go to parties and feel bad that I had trouble talking to people, squanch those feelings down with alcohol, and then dance around wildly while avoiding the girl I liked.

That’s why they call them “parties”.

I mean sure, I had Alice DJ telling me “do you think you’re better off alone?” but that seemed more like Alice DJ didn’t think I was better off alone, knew what was good for me, and might be judging me for my anti-social crutches.

What I would’ve given to have some singer say:

Truly, I ain’t got no business here

But since my friends are here

I just came to kick it but really

I would rather be at home all by myself not in this room

Are you fucking kidding me?

I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS AN OPTION.

Xennials

I’m supposed to be a millenial but no one told me that growing up.

It seems a lot of the benefits Millenials are supposed to have enjoyed, didn’t really exist when I was growing up.

SOCIETY: Hey, millenial kid in 1998, just remember: you don’t have to base your self worth on your social media presence, introverts are the new extroverts, and feelings are ok.

ME: Wait, what!? What is a millenial? What the fuck is social media and why can’t I talk to anyone without my crippling insecurities telling me no one likes me and that my words are dumb?

My entire life I was “generation Y” until I was in my 30s and suddenly I was a millenial (or Xennial, which I found out is also called the “Oregon Trail Generation” which is a term I predicatively enjoy).

Due to this, I got the perfect mix of all the terrible things about previous generations:

• Lack of mental health awareness
• The braggadocio machismo of late 90s hip hop
• No one caring about the environment except me because I was haunted by Fern Gully
• Having no generational identity
• No activism
• Slow Internet porn
• Bill Clinton
• Alcoholism

And all the terrible things about being a millenial:

• Being called “millenial”
• Everyone thinking I grew up with facebook
• Everyone thinking i’m a whiny baby who is ruining the world
• Not being woke enough
• Being a special snowflake because I empathize with people who don’t look like me
• Reddit
• Fast Internet porn
• Opiate addiction
• A 40-year trend of stagnant wages aggressively outpaced by the cost of living

My party music never encouraged me to feel my feelings and talk to my friends about our dreams like Alessia does:

Your intentions aren’t to bother me

But honestly I’d rather be

Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen

To some music with the message (like we usually do)

And we’ll discuss our big dreams

The party music of my generation literally told me:

You wack, you’re twisted, your girl’s a ho

You’re broke, the kid ain’t yours, and e’rybody know

Your old man say you stupid, you be like, “So?

I love my baby mother, I never let her go”

I love you X, but how am I supposed to be comfortable in my own discomfort with that being yelled in my ear?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thIVtEOtlWM

Yo Yo’s & FOMO

Nowadays, it’s super cool to be uncool. At least, from what I can tell. From streetwear to enthusiasm for yoyo’s to watching people play video games, it’s clear the nerds got their revenge.

And that’s great, it really is.

It’s how people should be: feeling free to be excited about things they find exciting and everyone else encouraging them.

We should all hype up each other’s hobbies and interests, short of hurtful or self-destructive ones.

With this type of accepting attitude, more people are going to be able to be someone who is comfortable with themselves, who follows their own inner voice and vision, doesn’t give into peer pressure as easily, and is socially adept enough to network in college so I could find a job like you’re supposed to.

But how could I have been that person without Alessia Cara telling me:

Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this

An anti social pessimist but usually I don’t mess with this

The permission to be an anti-social pessimist. In a song. A song that’s a hit. An anti-party song that probably gets played at parties.

How was I, awkward teenager, supposed to…

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